This is what we are,

You asked me one day as I was pouring my coffee “Who are we?”

I looked up at you, and my mind went blank.

I looked down, circling my finger on the edge of my mug. I took a moment, then two, to try and pull together a string of words that I could give you.

And I was at a loss. Not because I didn’t know what to say, but because I had too much to say, and where would i begin?

Maybe start with, you inspire worlds in me, and I have never not drawn something from you- the experiences we curate are something I immensely cherish. The love that we share is something that I will never take for granted. The lives that we lead are each our own, and together, I am sure that there is no scenario we cannot conquer. There are no fears, just obstacles. We are ring leaders in this adventure. You are the greatest show I have seen so far.

You are beautiful to me. To the world you are another, in my life, you are someone. Someone who marks the moment that everything shifted – I became, everything I have ever wanted. And this is not because of you, but it is because you walked beside me as I trekked the unknown. You championed me when my legs turned weak, but you always knew that I was strong enough to do this, you always knew that I was waiting for the moment to stop standing in the wings of my own life- to finally stand in all that light.

I know I didn’t give you an answer that day, and it’s taken me many rough drafts and my own unsent letters to get all these words right. But finally, I know what it is that I meant to say. So you ask, Who are we?

“We are the living and the alive. And as long as you will have me, I will have you. You sit on the inside of my mind, and on brain edges .You course through my veins and are the laugh that rolls off the tip of my tongue. Your love is like a calling of hello and you make me feel always as if I am coming home. I am never without you, no matter how far away. And I will never know someone so truly as I know you.”

This one is for friends. For the ones who’s love extends beyond all the days, all the shortcomings that we have to make up for, all the times we forgot what we meant to one another. You guys are my greatest love. And I will never have enough words to say exactly all that I mean. But thank you, you make me – me.

-M.J.T.-

Unsent, With Love

Unsent, With Love is a new series on my YouTube channel. I ask strangers to send me their unsent love letters- this can be about heartbreak, falling in love, unrequited love, friendships, anything- and I read them.

This is one of the first submissions I received, and takes on the feeling of falling, feeling all that love. (You can read the full letter on the Unsent, With Love https://unsentwithloveblog.wordpress.com/)

If you would like to have your words featured, you can send an email to unsentwithlove@gmail.com

As well, you can follow the blog: https://unsentwithloveblog.wordpress.com/

Thank you for letting me be a storyteller, much love.

-Miranda

This Memory We Share

I know this all won’t last forever. There will be a day where you and I must say goodbye and answer to the calling of life. But I hope that you remember what it felt like the very first time. The very first time you realized we were something so much more than just a day. The very first time you realized that we were in love.

I hope you remember the beginning, with all its light and beauty. The way that we just couldn’t get enough of each other’s presence, enough of each other’s touch. We would stay up until the sun rose the next morning; reminding us that the earth was still turning, but its axis was centered between us two.

I hope you remember all those long drives we would take, where your hand rested gently on my knee. The way I’d reach over the center console and cradle your face in my left hand. Even as I type this, I can feel all the warmth and stubble of a five o’clock shadow heating my fingers, my palm. I instinctively clench my hand every time I am reminded of this, to hold tight to the warmth just a little longer.

I hope you remember what it felt like, with your arms circled around my middle. Where my back was pressed to your front in a protective hold that made me feel so safe, so sure, that this would all last forever. How you would do this in a room full of people, just to bring me near. How you would bring your lips down to the top of my head; kissing me like I was the most precious thing.

I hope you remember the beginning, with all its gentleness and full hearts. The way that the world stopped for the seconds we lingered into each other’s kiss- pining away for just one more. I hope you remember all the laughter, all the good, all the happy, all the life. I hope you remember what it felt like- to hold something so real.

I know this all won’t last forever. The day has come and gone where we have said goodbye. But please hold on to this one last thing; I loved you completely, no matter the days, you brought me so much.

I hope you remember the beginning, and find someone’s love, who always feels like it did the very first time- every time, for all time.

-m.j.t.-

Like There’s Only Today

You’re the very best outcome
in this crazy scenario
that we find ourselves in.
I don’t know where we’re headed,
or what we are trying to do-
but right now
I’ll ride this phase out,
this one that we’re coasting through.
Dancing like some fools
in the rain
on the dance floor
and in the passenger seat
of your car.
We’re losing our minds
over getting it all
real good,
real right.

I guess what I mean is that there are no rules.

So lets sit cross legged under lantern lit skies.
Always kiss like it’s the last time.
Say goodbye when there’s no more love.
But lets try a lil’ bit of love first-
lets see how this tastes on our tongues,
how it sits on our hearts,
how it plays out in our worlds.

It’s all the best outcome, I like this day with you.

-m.j.t.-

Twenty Sixteen, This Is How I Want to Remember You

A lot of life happened this year.

Time moved slowly when things got tough, and sped up when it was all really good. I was clumsy with my heart and unkind to myself when I should have only poured love into my soul. Not all moments that were captured were perfect, and all the undocumented ones happen to be some of my favorite. I learned a bit about what we’ve got to do to be happy- with ourselves, our lives, and our world.

Not all things last forever. Not all people will stay. But it’s the things that last and the one’s who do that I will carry with me moving into this next turn around the sun. I stopped waiting. Stopped waiting for tomorrow, for that someone to call, for the next big ‘moment’ to celebrate. That’s when life grew ten fold- when I started, just started something. Started running when I wanted to do a half marathon. Started saying no when I usually would have said yes. Started smiling at strangers more. Started practicing a lot of self love. I learned to stop looking down at the pavement and my phone- I was awe struck at least once a day, by something beautiful.

The music stayed constant, headphones and speakers turned all the way up. I kept on dancing even when all the lights came on and there were no more songs. I sang a lot of ‘Sweet Disposition’ in the shower; thanks Temper Trap. Television got good again, and there were some nights of binge watching hidden in between the days; thanks Westworld.

The news was sad at times and we said goodbye to many people. Loss, loss, loss. We lost a lot this year. People, elections, love, our minds. The human condition keeps moving forward, so we keep moving forward. Disappointment lingered, happiness appeared. The paradox of the last 365 days. So I made space for more patience and change- all good things take time. I’ve got a lot of time, and a lot of good things.

Choices, I made so many of them. Some were wonderful, some were terrible, some were sad. They led me to new cities, new people and new depths of my heart and soul. People are enriching, the stories they tell and the hope they bring. I wove a lot more love into this tapestry of my life, it colored in what was once very dull, very average. I am lucky, so incredibly lucky.

Dreams became reality, fear became hope. Words were redefined this time. With their magic wielding- allowed me to get lost in other worlds, carved out the path to a new career. I wouldn’t know how to be, who to be, without them. Big love and many thanks.

Forgiveness. It’s that simple. Forgive yourself, and forgive others.

I drank a lot. Coffee, tea, water, GIN. Drunk words and sober thoughts all met in the middle somewhere. And this time, I cried a lot in happiness instead of pain. Stayed up far too late talking peoples ears off about the good ole days. I liked those nights, those memories, those people. I owe you guys one, drinks on me.

“Parting is such sweet sorrow.” I said goodbye to a number of things, which in turn brought me something beautiful in the end. Who I am learned to take the time to be selfish. It all came at a price- whether it was letting go of people or places, and the memories they held. The idea and the reality should be one in the same, if they are not, please always remember you can walk away. Especially if there is no more love, love yourself enough to walk away.

Twenty sixteen, you were like a 90’s hip hop song. Far too long, but still so good. You were a ‘Golden Era’ in a time when everything was a little dismal and we were all a little weary. This is how I want to remember you- reckless and wild. And so incredibly important. Thank you for your ways, you brought me more life. Thank you for the days, each one is the best one yet.

-m.j.t.-

 

 

Late to the Party

We’re fourteen and sitting side by side through the days. Lunch, classes and locker life talks are all a blur. We ride the wave of being so young, so unsure of what we’re doing. We’re friends, and I like the way you laugh at my jokes, and the fact that everything is so serious. We aren’t tainted by the people we will both love. We are here and it is steady.

We’re seventeen and the world is bigger now. We make playlists in the cold of winter, but the solid strum of guitars make me prefer this state- a deference for the darkness keeps our bones warm and our hearts beat out to the way Foo Fighters intended.

We’re nineteen and some couple hundred miles away, still singing to the sounds of something sunny. I know we’re still thinking about clever titles for playlists. Thousands of songs fill my stations, but the angst of Paramore still reminds me of you. So we reach out, we hold on, we give it another round of songs that say everything we couldn’t dare.

We’re twenty one, and we know that the world is ours. Separately, we’ve done all we could. We listened, we learned, we kept on living. We sat side by side again, the steady hum of the road beneath us. We traveled through the night, and I was fourteen again. But it was only then, in the middle of a dark room, where the music stopped, and our voices filled the spaces- we poured out our hearts.

We’re aging, slowly against the tides of life. And maybe we’re not ready for it all. And maybe we’re waiting to hear just the right string of words. Just know, I’ll be listening with ears wide open. I got it though, I realized then; I don’t need confetti, I’ll take the party for two.

-M.J.T.-

Ask Me How to Remember You

They’ll ask you things, like “how did it feel?” And you’ll respond with “happy, exhilarated, over the moon” But it was more than that, it was the way that old things became new again, and sharing your life with someone meant that compromise was always a steady and easy “alright.” Because it didn’t matter so much if it was your way or theirs, but that you were together. Nothing was ever boring, and the silence never felt heavy or over bearing. It was more than just the phone calls and never ending stream of words that constantly poured out of you all hours of each day. It was the way that you called them your muse, drawing out colors and capturing sounds with only 26 letters- creating worlds that could go into infinity. And maybe that’s what it was-infinite- a steady flow into each day, feeling as if it would last forever. Tasting the warmth that this could be all the days, for the rest of your days. I hold onto the idea of long lasting moments with you, and every other person I will ever love. Because I am inexplicably drawn to the promising grasp in the arms of always, knowing that there is the possibility in my soul for so much more than here and now. My reality has shifted, and maybe it won’t always be so beautiful, so vibrant, so much. So, how did it feel? It felt like time warping around two souls, bending light, space and gravitational pulls to make sense of something that can’t be explained plainly. It was the back breaking weight of nothing and everything, molding bones into new forms, offering up our most sacred parts to another, lending a hand, piecing together a heart. It was more, because it changed me. And I hold onto that most.

-M.J.T.-

Palm reader

Just let me trace the palms of your hands,
the lines that connect from the bottom of your palm;
to the top where it widens out.
Your lifeline, my lifeline
the one that makes me feel tethered to your own.
How long a life you’ll live,
mapped out like a journey
we’ll compare each other’s roads,
see where they’ll diverge.
Let the suns light, sneak through the gaps
eye’s covered in surprises, and when the blush creeps up
starting on my neck, behind my ears, up to my cheeks
and you can read it in my eyes.
We’ll drum our fingers on our knees,
in the air-
when a solo is necessary and fundamental to our dance parties.
Thumbs up for
our favorite foods
movies
and songs
your freshly washed sheets
my pancakes on Sundays.
Thumbs down for
puns that don’t make you want to cringe
the bottom of ice cream pints
lost keys
poorly made margaritas.
You see, these hands tell me more
than secrets scribbled through journals
and childhood bedrooms alike.
Your work, your life
all splattered across those beautiful wide hands
that grasp for
my hips
the back of my neck
and my very own hands.
So tiny in yours.
Enveloped, covered, protected.
Lifeline to lifeline.
All of this and all of you and all of me
I read it in your hands,
when I traced them.
-m.j.t-

Get Busy Living | Two years, and a home grew here

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It’s the end of an era, in this tiny back bedroom of apartment  123.

Slowly, we take down the photo’s, decorations, the small trinkets and Polaroids that make this apartment ours, and this room mine. Once the fan stops turning, and the lights go out one final time, it won’t belong to me anymore. I’ll turn in the keys, and get that deposit back.

But right now, one last moment in here, it’s still everything. It’s still my escape.

I’ve made memories in this little room. I fell in love in this room. I’ve made love in this room. I’ve lost and found myself again within these four walls. If they could speak, how much they’d say- what stories they’d have to tell to the next person who unpacks their life.

So many sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, laughter, binge watched TV shows with my best friend, the outfit changes, the growth. It all belongs in here. It all happened here. And eventually it will all be left here.

The girl who lived here for two years will be washed away, steam cleaned, spackled, repainted and polished. In the midst of every morning, she became. She became strong, confident, bold and whole. These walls were a foundation, a place to land unsteady feet. A place to experience life, and herself.

So the splotch on the carpet by the window- spilled coffee from a restless morning.

All the places where the paint has lifted from the walls- pictures of her favorite faces and places used to hang there.

She loved this room. This corner of the world. She wrote stories in these walls. She read stories within these walls. How they took her on adventures. How every day in this home, was an adventure.

And oh how she loved, and oh how she learned.

I look around this room one final time.

Watching ghosts of her, me.

I’ll miss this feeling. I’ll remember this feeling. I’ll pack away this feeling.

This is how it feels, to live.¶

Get Busy Living | You will always have me

My entire life will unintentionally be a dedication to you. Being your older sister, I feel it my duty, to make sure to shelter you from the harsh reality of the world. But I know that I cannot prevent the things that will happen to you in life. My only hope is that I can prepare you for the moments, when the world nudges you in the shoulder a little too rough- and to always be there to cushion the blow. I also hope that I can leave you with a head full of dreams, and a heart full of promise. To remind you that life is a thing of beauty, and that you can always find love in everything you do, and everywhere you go.

We already know that you’ve got success up your sleeve. You’re pursuing your dreams, in a way that makes me stand back in awe. Because when I was eighteen and entering college, I didn’t have a single clue as to who I was, or what I wanted. You showed me that direction is something you take very seriously- something you do with so much drive and ambition. It’s one of the many things that you’ve taught me along the way. It has directed me to always choose that feeling of fulfillment. Regardless of what people may say. Especially the nonbelievers, and the opinions of our parents.

Growing up with you, will always be my favorite part of life. I get to experience life twice. Once on my own, and a second time around to observe. College, boyfriends, first dates, first kisses, and even the first time heartbreak comes around. All these things I had to learn on my own, experience first- some of it was great, and at other times is was awful. But with each experience, it has lead me to some truths, and the best piece of advice I have. That is, you will stand up again. You will move on. You will know how big a heart can grow. You will know better. You will be stronger. You will have me.

No matter what the situation in life, it’s nothing you cannot overcome. You are the strongest, bravest, most head strong girl I know. Life may fight you, but you fight back twice as tough. You have made me believe that every situation in life is temporary. It’s a lesson I always keep with me, no matter what stage in life. I just want you to know, and to remember.

After all the rambling, and the fighting, and the days we may not talk at all. You have been the biggest blessing and lesson in my life. Maybe I never really learned it all through experience. Maybe it was always you. Maybe you have, and will, always teach me the biggest lessons in life. Maybe being older doesn’t always mean wiser- maybe sometimes it just means that I get to walk through life with someone, always. And maybe that’s what I meant to say this whole time.¶

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