This is what we are,

You asked me one day as I was pouring my coffee “Who are we?”

I looked up at you, and my mind went blank.

I looked down, circling my finger on the edge of my mug. I took a moment, then two, to try and pull together a string of words that I could give you.

And I was at a loss. Not because I didn’t know what to say, but because I had too much to say, and where would i begin?

Maybe start with, you inspire worlds in me, and I have never not drawn something from you- the experiences we curate are something I immensely cherish. The love that we share is something that I will never take for granted. The lives that we lead are each our own, and together, I am sure that there is no scenario we cannot conquer. There are no fears, just obstacles. We are ring leaders in this adventure. You are the greatest show I have seen so far.

You are beautiful to me. To the world you are another, in my life, you are someone. Someone who marks the moment that everything shifted – I became, everything I have ever wanted. And this is not because of you, but it is because you walked beside me as I trekked the unknown. You championed me when my legs turned weak, but you always knew that I was strong enough to do this, you always knew that I was waiting for the moment to stop standing in the wings of my own life- to finally stand in all that light.

I know I didn’t give you an answer that day, and it’s taken me many rough drafts and my own unsent letters to get all these words right. But finally, I know what it is that I meant to say. So you ask, Who are we?

“We are the living and the alive. And as long as you will have me, I will have you. You sit on the inside of my mind, and on brain edges .You course through my veins and are the laugh that rolls off the tip of my tongue. Your love is like a calling of hello and you make me feel always as if I am coming home. I am never without you, no matter how far away. And I will never know someone so truly as I know you.”

This one is for friends. For the ones who’s love extends beyond all the days, all the shortcomings that we have to make up for, all the times we forgot what we meant to one another. You guys are my greatest love. And I will never have enough words to say exactly all that I mean. But thank you, you make me – me.

-M.J.T.-

Unsent, With Love

Unsent, With Love is a new series on my YouTube channel. I ask strangers to send me their unsent love letters- this can be about heartbreak, falling in love, unrequited love, friendships, anything- and I read them.

This is one of the first submissions I received, and takes on the feeling of falling, feeling all that love. (You can read the full letter on the Unsent, With Love https://unsentwithloveblog.wordpress.com/)

If you would like to have your words featured, you can send an email to unsentwithlove@gmail.com

As well, you can follow the blog: https://unsentwithloveblog.wordpress.com/

Thank you for letting me be a storyteller, much love.

-Miranda

Late to the Party

We’re fourteen and sitting side by side through the days. Lunch, classes and locker life talks are all a blur. We ride the wave of being so young, so unsure of what we’re doing. We’re friends, and I like the way you laugh at my jokes, and the fact that everything is so serious. We aren’t tainted by the people we will both love. We are here and it is steady.

We’re seventeen and the world is bigger now. We make playlists in the cold of winter, but the solid strum of guitars make me prefer this state- a deference for the darkness keeps our bones warm and our hearts beat out to the way Foo Fighters intended.

We’re nineteen and some couple hundred miles away, still singing to the sounds of something sunny. I know we’re still thinking about clever titles for playlists. Thousands of songs fill my stations, but the angst of Paramore still reminds me of you. So we reach out, we hold on, we give it another round of songs that say everything we couldn’t dare.

We’re twenty one, and we know that the world is ours. Separately, we’ve done all we could. We listened, we learned, we kept on living. We sat side by side again, the steady hum of the road beneath us. We traveled through the night, and I was fourteen again. But it was only then, in the middle of a dark room, where the music stopped, and our voices filled the spaces- we poured out our hearts.

We’re aging, slowly against the tides of life. And maybe we’re not ready for it all. And maybe we’re waiting to hear just the right string of words. Just know, I’ll be listening with ears wide open. I got it though, I realized then; I don’t need confetti, I’ll take the party for two.

-M.J.T.-

Get Busy Living | Here I Am

After a month of radio silence, sleepless nights, early mornings, and putting my life back into a schedule- I am here.

These past few weeks have allowed for both moments of reflection, and some goal setting as I ring in another year of life. The last 365 days were all filled with so much love, encouragement, support and growth. It’s true what they say- about growing older, and getting wiser. I don’t claim to know everything, but I’m beginning to understand the most important of all: me.

As you age, you handle loss better. For the most part, some things will never change. Once something is your favorite, it will always be your favorite. As the days rolled on, I started collecting my favorite things. Favorite place, favorite book, favorite happy song, favorite sad song, favorite moment so far, favorite goal, and favorite time of day. I realized it’s important to keep these things with you, to remind yourself of them often. They are things that are solidified, steady, and something you can always hold close- you’ll never lose these things.

That is another thing about age; the finality and permanent smudge that everything eventually wears. This all becomes tainted by time, and carried over in waves if we let it. So, sometimes the things we cherished and loved, we must let go. Not all things are here to stay. Not all love lasts forever. Not all moments are as pure and whole as others. And sometimes, they’re so good to us, we carry them on us like limbs and scars.

Time decorates you. Time completes you. Time allows for things to be new again, old again, young again, free again. Embrace it if it lets you, escape it if you must, but never turn your back on it- you’ll never get this back again.

The last and most complete lesson, is to write every day. Write about how you woke up, and rushed out the door. Pick apart those moments between the snooze button, and the last sip of coffee. You’ll start to realize that waking up to a quiet house, is the sound that you like best. That the smell of bread as it begins to toast, is a comfort of its own. Turning on the computer, and the slow ping of emails and updates; reminding you that life is calling. There is a laziness to every morning, that even fills the most chaotic and rushed. Let it in, let it in.

So as I sit here, and age a little more between the words. I welcome you back into my life. I welcome some more reading, some more writing, and a little extra love.

Cheers to another year.¶

 

Get Busy Living | Two years, and a home grew here

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It’s the end of an era, in this tiny back bedroom of apartment  123.

Slowly, we take down the photo’s, decorations, the small trinkets and Polaroids that make this apartment ours, and this room mine. Once the fan stops turning, and the lights go out one final time, it won’t belong to me anymore. I’ll turn in the keys, and get that deposit back.

But right now, one last moment in here, it’s still everything. It’s still my escape.

I’ve made memories in this little room. I fell in love in this room. I’ve made love in this room. I’ve lost and found myself again within these four walls. If they could speak, how much they’d say- what stories they’d have to tell to the next person who unpacks their life.

So many sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, laughter, binge watched TV shows with my best friend, the outfit changes, the growth. It all belongs in here. It all happened here. And eventually it will all be left here.

The girl who lived here for two years will be washed away, steam cleaned, spackled, repainted and polished. In the midst of every morning, she became. She became strong, confident, bold and whole. These walls were a foundation, a place to land unsteady feet. A place to experience life, and herself.

So the splotch on the carpet by the window- spilled coffee from a restless morning.

All the places where the paint has lifted from the walls- pictures of her favorite faces and places used to hang there.

She loved this room. This corner of the world. She wrote stories in these walls. She read stories within these walls. How they took her on adventures. How every day in this home, was an adventure.

And oh how she loved, and oh how she learned.

I look around this room one final time.

Watching ghosts of her, me.

I’ll miss this feeling. I’ll remember this feeling. I’ll pack away this feeling.

This is how it feels, to live.¶

I will, I promise

And I’ll let you,
I’ll let you in, and I’ll let you love.
I’ll let you kiss away
all the worry that scrunches up my face.
I’ll let your hands wander,
across my skin, along my body,
down the contours of my back.
I’ll let you know the secrets,
that run through my mind,
the messy way the tangle through my life-
you’ll pocket them
like they were yours all along.
I’ll let you escape with me,
to my favorite places,
the ones that I’ll run to when the world
gets too loud and too much.
I’ll let you have the last piece,
of cake, of me, of my love.
I’ll let you place in me,
the kind of trust and belief,
that our kind of love always knew.
I’ll let you be who you are
I’ll let you experience me entirely
I’ll let you, I’ll let you
Because you’ve let me love you like this-
I’ll let you love me right back.

I’ll let you and I,
make up for all the years,
we should have been loving each other, like this.
-m.j.t-

Get Busy Living | You will always have me

My entire life will unintentionally be a dedication to you. Being your older sister, I feel it my duty, to make sure to shelter you from the harsh reality of the world. But I know that I cannot prevent the things that will happen to you in life. My only hope is that I can prepare you for the moments, when the world nudges you in the shoulder a little too rough- and to always be there to cushion the blow. I also hope that I can leave you with a head full of dreams, and a heart full of promise. To remind you that life is a thing of beauty, and that you can always find love in everything you do, and everywhere you go.

We already know that you’ve got success up your sleeve. You’re pursuing your dreams, in a way that makes me stand back in awe. Because when I was eighteen and entering college, I didn’t have a single clue as to who I was, or what I wanted. You showed me that direction is something you take very seriously- something you do with so much drive and ambition. It’s one of the many things that you’ve taught me along the way. It has directed me to always choose that feeling of fulfillment. Regardless of what people may say. Especially the nonbelievers, and the opinions of our parents.

Growing up with you, will always be my favorite part of life. I get to experience life twice. Once on my own, and a second time around to observe. College, boyfriends, first dates, first kisses, and even the first time heartbreak comes around. All these things I had to learn on my own, experience first- some of it was great, and at other times is was awful. But with each experience, it has lead me to some truths, and the best piece of advice I have. That is, you will stand up again. You will move on. You will know how big a heart can grow. You will know better. You will be stronger. You will have me.

No matter what the situation in life, it’s nothing you cannot overcome. You are the strongest, bravest, most head strong girl I know. Life may fight you, but you fight back twice as tough. You have made me believe that every situation in life is temporary. It’s a lesson I always keep with me, no matter what stage in life. I just want you to know, and to remember.

After all the rambling, and the fighting, and the days we may not talk at all. You have been the biggest blessing and lesson in my life. Maybe I never really learned it all through experience. Maybe it was always you. Maybe you have, and will, always teach me the biggest lessons in life. Maybe being older doesn’t always mean wiser- maybe sometimes it just means that I get to walk through life with someone, always. And maybe that’s what I meant to say this whole time.¶

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My sun, my moon, and every single star

Love me like the sky
hugs the moon.
Kiss me like the stars
dusted upon the black of night.
Hold me like the ocean does the sun
every morning of a new day.
Because I find that the universe
turns and turns
on the very idea
that always you
will be enough.
-m.j.t-

But I do believe in us

The eclipse of us,

will shadow over anything, that ever looked like something.

And it will cause seasons to turn, and flowers to bloom.

Everything will forget to point North, but everything will face the light.

And the light will escape from the edges of our love.

Unconsciously conscious is it for us to love like we do.

Only when we come together,

do we truly understand the phenomenon we’ve caused.

The kind of commonplace miracle,

of two lives colliding.

We’ve spent our whole life, orbiting each other,

and when we align,

the world will never look the same.

Is it fate that you believe in? Because I’ll believe it too.

How naïve in love we are,

and how we’ll let it be our compass.

Let it guide us where it may, after all

I believe in

the eclipse of us.

But most of all, I believe in us.

-m.j.t-

Do not listen, but please do read

She’s going to love you,
with the ink running through her pen.
Each sentence is a kiss you placed
on her body.
Each punctuation is a moment that you shared,
the life between each hello and goodbye.
Metaphors are for all the ways she will
like you,
as one who fell again for the very first time.
When you are the one she thinks of,
it will be the pages she turns,
and the journals she fills.
Through each fight,
an apology comes in the form of letters
written in longhand;
Dear and
Love.
Tears will streak and smudge,
the dried words of the beginning-
all written from the first encounter,
living through the stories there,
told page by page.
She will love you, long before she says so.
And if you do not believe her,
then you do not know her at all.
Because she’s been writing about you,
before she knew of your existence,
and before you’ve even met.
And when it comes time for a goodbye,
you’ll be a memory and a muse,
an echo in her pieces.
So do not listen, but please do read.
She does not say all that she
feels and fears.
But it’s all there.
Because,
she’s going to love you,
with the ink running through her pen.

-m.j.t-