Twenty Sixteen, This Is How I Want to Remember You

A lot of life happened this year.

Time moved slowly when things got tough, and sped up when it was all really good. I was clumsy with my heart and unkind to myself when I should have only poured love into my soul. Not all moments that were captured were perfect, and all the undocumented ones happen to be some of my favorite. I learned a bit about what we’ve got to do to be happy- with ourselves, our lives, and our world.

Not all things last forever. Not all people will stay. But it’s the things that last and the one’s who do that I will carry with me moving into this next turn around the sun. I stopped waiting. Stopped waiting for tomorrow, for that someone to call, for the next big ‘moment’ to celebrate. That’s when life grew ten fold- when I started, just started something. Started running when I wanted to do a half marathon. Started saying no when I usually would have said yes. Started smiling at strangers more. Started practicing a lot of self love. I learned to stop looking down at the pavement and my phone- I was awe struck at least once a day, by something beautiful.

The music stayed constant, headphones and speakers turned all the way up. I kept on dancing even when all the lights came on and there were no more songs. I sang a lot of ‘Sweet Disposition’ in the shower; thanks Temper Trap. Television got good again, and there were some nights of binge watching hidden in between the days; thanks Westworld.

The news was sad at times and we said goodbye to many people. Loss, loss, loss. We lost a lot this year. People, elections, love, our minds. The human condition keeps moving forward, so we keep moving forward. Disappointment lingered, happiness appeared. The paradox of the last 365 days. So I made space for more patience and change- all good things take time. I’ve got a lot of time, and a lot of good things.

Choices, I made so many of them. Some were wonderful, some were terrible, some were sad. They led me to new cities, new people and new depths of my heart and soul. People are enriching, the stories they tell and the hope they bring. I wove a lot more love into this tapestry of my life, it colored in what was once very dull, very average. I am lucky, so incredibly lucky.

Dreams became reality, fear became hope. Words were redefined this time. With their magic wielding- allowed me to get lost in other worlds, carved out the path to a new career. I wouldn’t know how to be, who to be, without them. Big love and many thanks.

Forgiveness. It’s that simple. Forgive yourself, and forgive others.

I drank a lot. Coffee, tea, water, GIN. Drunk words and sober thoughts all met in the middle somewhere. And this time, I cried a lot in happiness instead of pain. Stayed up far too late talking peoples ears off about the good ole days. I liked those nights, those memories, those people. I owe you guys one, drinks on me.

“Parting is such sweet sorrow.” I said goodbye to a number of things, which in turn brought me something beautiful in the end. Who I am learned to take the time to be selfish. It all came at a price- whether it was letting go of people or places, and the memories they held. The idea and the reality should be one in the same, if they are not, please always remember you can walk away. Especially if there is no more love, love yourself enough to walk away.

Twenty sixteen, you were like a 90’s hip hop song. Far too long, but still so good. You were a ‘Golden Era’ in a time when everything was a little dismal and we were all a little weary. This is how I want to remember you- reckless and wild. And so incredibly important. Thank you for your ways, you brought me more life. Thank you for the days, each one is the best one yet.

-m.j.t.-

 

 

Get Busy Living | You will always have me

My entire life will unintentionally be a dedication to you. Being your older sister, I feel it my duty, to make sure to shelter you from the harsh reality of the world. But I know that I cannot prevent the things that will happen to you in life. My only hope is that I can prepare you for the moments, when the world nudges you in the shoulder a little too rough- and to always be there to cushion the blow. I also hope that I can leave you with a head full of dreams, and a heart full of promise. To remind you that life is a thing of beauty, and that you can always find love in everything you do, and everywhere you go.

We already know that you’ve got success up your sleeve. You’re pursuing your dreams, in a way that makes me stand back in awe. Because when I was eighteen and entering college, I didn’t have a single clue as to who I was, or what I wanted. You showed me that direction is something you take very seriously- something you do with so much drive and ambition. It’s one of the many things that you’ve taught me along the way. It has directed me to always choose that feeling of fulfillment. Regardless of what people may say. Especially the nonbelievers, and the opinions of our parents.

Growing up with you, will always be my favorite part of life. I get to experience life twice. Once on my own, and a second time around to observe. College, boyfriends, first dates, first kisses, and even the first time heartbreak comes around. All these things I had to learn on my own, experience first- some of it was great, and at other times is was awful. But with each experience, it has lead me to some truths, and the best piece of advice I have. That is, you will stand up again. You will move on. You will know how big a heart can grow. You will know better. You will be stronger. You will have me.

No matter what the situation in life, it’s nothing you cannot overcome. You are the strongest, bravest, most head strong girl I know. Life may fight you, but you fight back twice as tough. You have made me believe that every situation in life is temporary. It’s a lesson I always keep with me, no matter what stage in life. I just want you to know, and to remember.

After all the rambling, and the fighting, and the days we may not talk at all. You have been the biggest blessing and lesson in my life. Maybe I never really learned it all through experience. Maybe it was always you. Maybe you have, and will, always teach me the biggest lessons in life. Maybe being older doesn’t always mean wiser- maybe sometimes it just means that I get to walk through life with someone, always. And maybe that’s what I meant to say this whole time.¶

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