The people we crave in the moment is a mirror of the kind of person we ourselves have become. We are all comprised of every person we have ever had the good fortune of meeting. Maybe it’s in the way that your laugh starts off slow and gradually builds into a full on cackle. Or when a song comes on and you have to turn it up a little, do a dance with your shoulders and round it out with a point of a finger and your hands in the air. We learn by watching, observing, absorbing our surroundings. Enough times, and it becomes a habit. You see, before people leave, they gift you with something- the friendship that precedes the falling out. It changes you for a moment, and then forever. It’s subtle. And people will come, and people will go. But it’s what they do in the middle between hello and goodbye that stirs up your life, your soul, your very being. It strips you down to the core, and questions your belief. It creates you. The people we relate to and surround ourselves with are all our mirrors. Good friendships will flatter all your good angles, your best sides, the parts of you that are easy to love. Bad friendships- that seem good at the time- introduce you to parts of yourself that you don’t always get to reveal, but those people will tear it out of you, coax it to the surface, let it dance with your soul for a little. And maybe you won’t see it at first, and maybe you’ll never be able to admit you were just like them. But for a little while you were. And whether it was a friendship, or relationship, or just someone to fill the time, they were there. And they stayed. And maybe you wish that they would have remained for another moment, or that you never met them at all. But what you don’t see in the loss, is that you stopped seeing yourself in them. They stopped reflecting the kinds of things you wanted, the beliefs changed, everything shifted. But take this as a gift as well, that you changed. And time will make sure of that if the people you love don’t. So when the mirror disappears, and its just a ghost of the person you once knew, walk away. Walk away with gratitude. Because someway, somehow, you changed each other. And isn’t that what life is all about? ¶
Three months can change you. And I know that it is just a quarter of a year, and seasons don’t even pass in that time. But three months can do some healing that years never had the possibility of ever achieving.
It can light all your ghosts on fire. It can burn down the very memories that haunted you for some time. It washes you clean. And after getting away for a while, you can finally breathe fresh air and day dream, again.
Three months are for gaining back lost pieces that you left in other peoples empty pockets. The spaces you tried so fervently to patch up; that you took it from yourself. You reclaim yourself and understand that love and leaving are not mutually exclusive.
And yes it takes time. And no it’s not easy. And maybe you wanted to just say “FUCK IT ALL” along the way. But in order to lose something you must first have something worthy of loss- and maybe what you lost was your way, or your light, or your glow from within, or your will to live.
But the thing about all that, is they can be found again.
So you stopped placing those pieces in others, and you rewrote the rules, your fate, decided to start calling it for what it was, choices- instead of blaming the stars, the moon and the conspiring universe.
And that is the moment, that rebuilding is worth it. It is when you finally decide-again- that you are worth it. Worthy of self love, self appreciation, self respect, self confidence.
So yes, maybe pep-talks are necessary and important, and that you have to wake up each morning claiming your purpose, going about life with intention.
So here you are, three months later, remembering the ghost of every past you. Realizing, this is it. Today is a good day. You are your best self. Living your best life.
You are you.¶